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Today’s Reflection on Recovery & Grief
Recovery & Movement Recovery from mania and depression is taking longer than I’d prefer. I’m sure much of this is due to hormonal shifts in menopause, but I haven’t been able to get an oestrogen patch prescribed. Long story. It would probably help me a lot and give me relief, but I seem to have…
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One Way I’ve Grown This Year
One way that I have grown this year is that I looked back on my life and really thought about the choices I have made and how they got me where I am today. While many good choices were made, there were some I now regret. I suppose that happens in life. We have moments…
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Recovering from Mania & Depression
I think I am finally beginning to feel better. My concentration waxes and wanes, but I am able to set small goals and achieve them each day. Even though I haven’t finished whole books, I have read a little at a time. The same infinetisimal progress is happening with research for the book I’m writing…
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The Sailor’s Skill
This post is about overcoming passive suicidal ideation through Stoic principles. Please reach out to your care team, or online support organisation, if you are feeling suicidal. International Mental Health Contact Information. This morning, I read the stoic philosopher, Seneca’s letter to Lucilius about vain syllogisms. A syllogism is a foundational form of deductive reasoning where…
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Lost Time, Pivots, & Picking Up Where I Left Off
Lost Time Having Bipolar 1 means that sometimes I lose time. Today, I opened up my planner that is absent with activity for the past 2.5 months. While it is upsetting to see the detour from my goals, I can choose to dwell on the lost time or pivot where needed and pick up where…
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Depression & YouTube Channel
Depression My last shower was on Tuesday because I went to see the dentist. My gums are inflamed and the dentist told me I need to floss. He demonstrated between my fingers about how I’m supposed to floss. I think I frustrated him and dental hygienist by whining about how long that will take. So,…
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Slow Change is Sustainable
Weight Loss & Body Composition Recently, I lost 20 lbs and then I regained some weight. I went through self-critical thoughts and emotions, and then I looked at a picture of me from one year ago. Even though my weight has not changed as much as I’d hoped, I can clearly see progress in my…
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Old Lady Exercises Rock
Fitness Training is Personal This morning, I watched a young female YouTube fitness influencer (not a personal trainer) talk about how everyone only needs 7 exercises to look fit. “Look fit.” Yeah, that isn’t true, and looking fit is not the whole point. Exercise is really important, especially as we age, and having everyone do…
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Recovery Sunday
Recovery Wrestling Depression I’m in a depressive phase of recovery from mania, but I’ve been working hard to be healthy and get back on track with my health and fitness goals. Spiritual & Community Goals Went to mass yesterday evening, and that helped a lot. I didn’t feel like going, but I knew that showering…
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Overcoming Excuses Not to Work Out
Small Spaces vs Going to the Gym I used to complain that I only had a little space to workout. Then, when it came time to get in my car to put in a session at the gym, I would back out for feeling fat, old, depressed, and manic. I try not to visit the…
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Perfunctory Life, A Poem from my Confessions
When sadness comesIt drives away passionsLife becomes perfunctoryRestless no more—is my heartListless—it barely beatsNever stirs—for more impassioned featsWhen melodies operatic do soundSlight inner wakes do compoundBut heart laden—brokenIsn’t worth torturing—for tokenGestures given only in hasteWhen time and loveForever remain chaste.
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Feeling Better | Thoughts
Feeling Better Anxiety I am feeling better than I did yesterday. Some anxiety and restlessness remain from yesterday, but it feels more manageable. Morning Plans Shifted Originally, I was thinking to visit my dad in memory care this morning and take him out for breakfast, but I think yesterday’s outing with him exhausted me so…
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Answer to God & Auras (Prodromes)| Sorry | Low Mood Recovery
Shower Forced myself into the shower today. While in there, I was in my head a lot and thought about my last post. About, feeling scared of when God shows up in my life and feeling the fear of it happening again. Saints, and many people, feel a very secure attachment to God’s love and…
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God & Auras (Prodromes) | Walk | Anxiety
Morning Woke up at 0400. Read morning prayers at 0500. Took a morning nap which is crazy since I had 36 mg of Concerta, but I guess I was tired. Walk Took a walk to my favourite park to get outside and try to calm my nerves. Auras (Prodromes) I have someone I write a…
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Forgiven Debts | Success Re-evaluation | Workout
Forgiven Debts I learned the Our Father prayer when I was very young. It is probably the only one I know without anyone else saying it with me at the same time. Never really thought about it, in-depth, until a friend shared his meditations on the prayer. Today, I read over the part about how…
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Gumbo Snuggles | Seneca’s Letter | Restlessness
Suicide treated as a topic of Stoicism. Morning Gumbo Snuggles I was up at 0400. Wasted some time coming to wakefulness. At 5, I tried to study my notes on postpartum psychosis. I was distracted by my inner world that was just more annoying than overwhelming. Spent time writing to friends. Snuggled with my 12-year-old…
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Wonderful Day| Bird Set Free
Family Time Made jambalaya. Had my two daughters, and my daughter’s fiancé, and my dad over to the apartment. They loved the food which made me feel happy. My food hasn’t been turning out so good lately; that happens when I’m not feeling well. Happiness Spending time with my family made me feel very happy,…
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A Beautiful Mind…Despite Brokenness
After giving birth to my second daughter, I developed post-partum thyroiditis (later changed to Grave’s Disease). Due to economic and other reasons, I was unable to get care for that condition so I suffered for almost 2 years with it. At the time, I also had Bipolar 1 and PTSD, only I was unaware of…
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Afternoon Thoughts | Lay Your Hands on Me
Afternoon Thoughts Got some stuff done. Not enough. I was a little disorganised today. Going to mass and then I’m going to do a short evening workout with my daughter. I’m going to try to stay up until 8 or 9 tonight since I’ve been going to bed too early. Tomorrow Morning When I wake…
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Psychosis in Motherhood | The Book I’m Writing
Research I’m using Zotero to read over my chapter one sources and to highlight key passages. And, I’m using Living Writer to organise the outline and manuscript. No affiliate links or promotion; I just use these two tools. In the beginning, I was hand writing all of my notes into my Kindle Scribe-and now I…
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Thoughts | Aging | Relationships
Early Morning Woke up at 0200 but I went to sleep around 6 pm. Was feeling really tired yesterday evening. Ordered some groceries and got my laundry done. Was very lazy and didn’t do anything else that was productive. Direct Sunlight is Cruel Rapidly Aging I am seriously rapidly aging. I looked at myself on…
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Status Update | 2026 Goals | 8 Dimensions of Wellness
Intro The content below is actually on its own page at the top of this blog, but I thought I’d repost it today, along with a few thoughts. Goals I haven’t lost any weight since April 23 as I sort of took a detour on the diet. But, I am maintaining and should drop some…
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Beautiful Morning
0300 Woke up at 0300 which was well before my 0400 alarm. I had night sweats and I felt gross and realised I would just be uncomfortable if I stayed in bed so I got up and started the day. YouTube Scrolled on YouTube. Tried to watch a dumb movie about a dysfunctional relationship. Decided…
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Updated About & Mental Health Resources Pages
When I was manic, I updated my About page with how I experience mania and then deleted it once I was in recovery. I felt a lot of shame and internalised stigma because I shared it while manic. After taking time to think about it, as a mental health advocate, I know the importance of…
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Is the Body a Weight & Punishment on the Soul?
Seneca After taking a brief rest, I started reading the Stoic, Seneca’s letter to Lucilius number 65-“On the first cause.” Seneca begins the letter reminding Lucilius that Stoic philosophers say there are two things in the universe that are the source of all things: cause and matter. However, he says that Aristotle and Plato have…