This morning, I woke up at 4 am. I didn’t do morning prayers. Instead, I went to my personal training portal and looked through continuing education courses. Picked out one and CPR renewal but accidentally used the wrong email address so I had to email support to send the courses to the correct portal. It will take about 2 days to get that fixed. The course is on exercise and stress management.

I have been so undisciplined with my diet and exercise that I hate telling people that I studied personal training. Definitely don’t look like one right now. Anyway, did that and then my Amazon package arrived; new giant hoodies and some cargo sweatpants. Summer has passed so since I didn’t lose weight, I realised I needed some autumn and winter clothes. I don’t have much to wear and losing weight was supposed to help motivate me. It didn’t.

It is hard to focus on discipline when you have several mood episodes and pneumonia and all of that over several months. I just felt overwhelmed by it all. But now, things are settling down on the new antidepressant that is supposed to help with intrusive thoughts and I am on month 3 of HRT oestrogen patches. At first, I struggled with the HRT adjustment but now I’m feeling better. Not drenching the bed every night is a real relief!

Oh, I left something out. This morning, I made a black coffee and put my collagen powder in it. I got to thinking about my lack of discipline so I got out my exercise mat and did 10 terrible pushups. Doing those pushups helped me to feel better and enjoy the coffee more. I need to make this a habit. I’ve lost a lot of upper body strength.

My bed is against a window. The apartment is sunken into the ground but a tree stands outside the window. And it was cool this morning. Since I changed my duvet cover and sheets last night, I thought how wonderful it would be to get back in bed. So I did! Turned the TV on and put on Forrest Gump.

I like Forrest Gump a lot. One part really affected me, it was the part where Forrest and Lt. Dan are on a shrimping boat and Lt. Dan indirectly thanks Forrest for saving his life. He then, pushes himself off into the gulf; Lt. Dan doesn’t have legs after losing them in war. Forrest then says that he thinks Lt. Dan has made peace with God.

I feel like that. I think there was a lot that I was afraid to feel or confess or acknowledge. And now that I have, I feel a lot better. In some ways, I feel excited about the future and value what I have learned through this season of hypomania.

Like Lt. Dan, I feel like I’ve found my sea legs and am grateful.

Well, I have a ton to do. I really need to be productive and I need to work out. I wanted to go for a walk but it is already warm. I have a lot of cleaning and I want to make something healthy to eat.

Oh, I didn’t go to mass this morning even though I felt like I really wanted to go. Instead, I went to visit my dad. I haven’t visited as I have been hypomanic and I didn’t want him to worry about me. He looked sad. He doesn’t remember when he saw me last, but he knew it was a while. I’m planning to make jambalaya this weekend and have everyone over to the apartment. Hoping everyone can meet up this weekend. I think dad would like it.

Well, time to get reading done and get to work.

Thank you for reading, and I wish you a great day.