Last night, I stayed up late and drove out to the countryside to pick up my daughter from her seasonal job. I do not see well at night so this was a slow drive in both directions. Thankfully, we made it home safely. I’m still nervous about doing this same drive about 20 more times!

Because I went to bed so late and could not fall asleep when I got home, I could not get up at 4 am like I usually do. So, I set the alarm for 6 am. In the end, I only got 4 hours of sleep and I woke up with a lot of stress hormones coursing through my body.

This morning, I woke up and decided to read today’s Catholic readings and prayers. And since I’ve been doing this so frequently, it actually helped my brain calm down this morning. Praying was like an anchor when I felt out-of-sync with my normal routine.

Last night, while my daughter was at work, I read a great deal of the book, The Fulfilment of all Desire. It was nice to have quiet time at home and knowing my daughter was out in the world doing things that make her happy. I was free to focus on reading and really connecting to God in that little inner sanctum I created, My Lake Isle of Innisfree.

Things took a turn when I sent the book link on Amazon to a friend. He was disappointed that desire did not mean what he thought it would mean. The book is about saints and about our paths to holiness. I was sad he wasn’t interested.

I have a friend who is a professional and I write him when my inner world gets chaotic. But, as the years have gone by, I feel bad for burdening my friend. It is my hope that I will continue getting better and find some other way to express my pressured writing compulsions.

I took a day off the trauma therapy workbook as I needed time to recover from some of the exercises. But, after writing this post, I’ll get back to work on it.

This evening, my daughter’s baby shower is going to be held at a local restaurant and we are all excited. I’m looking forward to celebrating with my daughter and her partner.

Because my body had way too many stress hormones circulating this morning, I took a 3 mile walk with my 15-lb weighted vest. My pace actually quickened in this workout. I’m sure it is because I used albuterol before leaving. Normally, I just try to breathe without it. Not very effective or smart. I’d like to start running but I’m trying to lose some weight first.

After my workout, I am feeling tired. I hope to get in a nap today. My inner world is much quieter and for that I’m grateful.

Something I learned from reading last night and my time in prayer this morning:

Because of a certain kind of trauma I have, when Jesus knocks on my door, I don’t open it all the way. I open it a little, see what he wants, and then I slam the door. I even do this in relationships that are painful. But as Jesus is gentle, he is asking me to open the door so that He can help me with my struggles. So, that is what I’ll be working on in my interior world.

Today, I’m going to work in my trauma therapy workbook and read more of the book I was reading last night. I still need to clean my fish tank. Must do that today.

Thank you for joining me in my thoughts and reflections. I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful day.