Amazon Journals

I started a little publishing company and it’s just for short books and things I want to print that other people might find helpful. I couldn’t come up with a name for a company so I just used my own.

It’s not really a money-making venture. After printing costs are deducted, I think the gratitude journal nets about $1.75 for a paperback and about $2.45 for a hardback. Basically, I want to create books and journals that you can’t find in a bookstore.

My first project was creating a 12-week gratitude journal. I bought a paperback copy and have almost completed all 12 weeks! Because I wanted to see what the quality of Amazon’s hardcover printing was, I ordered a copy and will use it next.

Amazon KDP doesn’t have a pre-release ability to upload a book for some titles. So, I marked the prices up very high to prevent purchases until I could order print copies and finalise any changes. Today, since I am happy with the quality of both books, I lowered the price of each one. The changes won’t take effect for about 48 hours, but I received a notification that the prices were accepted by Amazon.

I haven’t decided if I want to write here on my blog under my name or promote my journals and books here. It is hard when you have mental illness to be completely transparent online as there is a lot of discrimination and stigma out in the world. Being online and visible is especially difficult when you are manic or hypomanic. Neither state produces good posts, and I feel like I cannot always control my judgment.

I’m hopeful my judgment will improve soon as moods level out. My doctor thinks perimenopause is causing mid-life instability for my Bipolar 1. I’m starting month 4 of oestrogen HRT. I feel like I’m not as volatile emotionally, and I don’t drench the bed every night, which is helping me to actually sleep more deeply. It can take a full 16 weeks to notice improvements to mood. Changing antidepressants probably delayed this by a few weeks, but even that is helping slowly.

In short: I’m nervous about writing on my daily blog under my name. Or sharing my Amazon storefront here.

So, I will think about it some more.

Currently, I have several journal projects I’m working on, and I’m looking into how I can create Amazon Kindle Scribe-type journals. I could even create an ePub for a basic iPad but there are rights issues to digital files, especially when they are editable like journals are so I need to do more research on how to do that. In the meantime, I’m using Amazon’s print-on-demand service. It’s fun to create things and feel productive. It is even better to use what one creates daily!

Peer Support Work

I want to try getting back into mental health peer work. Several years ago, I worked part-time at a medical clinic as a peer for pregnant women with substance issues. I found that challenging as that population has special experiences that I haven’t had so there was a large learning curve. In the end, I enjoyed it.

One time, a psychologist in my group was due to give a speech on Harm Reduction at a mental health event held at a nearby community college, but he was unable to deliver it. To fill his place, his speech materials were circulated among staff members; no one was willing to give the speech after reading the slides. It was pretty graphic about sex. In the end, being new and all, I ended up delivering the speech. It was on camera (and online); I was so scared I think I left my body for most of it! Sometimes, as a peer, you have to do uncomfortable things.

Then, for another year, I worked on a peer support warm line. That was a very demanding job. I worked a lot, and finally, I burned out from it. There were very short breaks and long hours. Sometimes there were only three of us working a line for a whole shift.

In doing that work, I felt like I got to talk to people in all kinds of circumstances in life. Callers were from all over the United States and I even talked to people in prison. I remember this one guy sang J. Sean’s song, “Do You Remember?” for the whole song! That song is now on my playlist and I think of him.

The position I applied for today is a peer position. There was a psychosis-related position, for which I am very well-suited, but I think my age would be an issue. Most first-time psychosis happens in younger people, and I’m much older now.

The position I applied for today is broadly focused on adults of all ages. To give you an idea of the peer training I’ve had:

• Substance Use Disorder (SUD)
• Medication Assisted Therapy (MAT)
• Intentional Peer Support
• 40 hours of Peer Support Specialist Training with Beacon Health Options.

There is always more to learn so if I do get called for an interview, I want to have refreshed knowledge of peer concepts as it has been a while.

I’m not sure I am ready to work right now, but I hope that I will be. I feel like I need to get out and do something. Being in my head so much is making me feel worthless in some ways. I think working as a peer again will be a good way to be of service to others as you actually teach people how to get back to living a more normal life, and that is something I work very hard on each day. I think it is important to live as normally as possible. It’s not easy but the alternative is pretty terrible.

Update

Last night, I went to bed late after seeing a movie at the cinema. Though I hoped to wake early, read, go for a walk, and go to morning mass, I didn’t get any of that done. At 4 am, I took morning meds and fell asleep again until about 8 am.

I think my daughter’s nighttime work schedule is really throwing off my sleep schedule so I’m trying to rest when I feel like I need it. Her job is temporary and ends on Halloween so I’m trying to hang in there; she works Thursday-Sunday so for those nights, I have to stay up late and sleep in late. I feel out-of-sync.

I haven’t been on my stimulant medication for about a month now because I just started a new antidepressant and was hypomanic. I generally don’t take Concerta if I notice mania or intrusive thoughts as it can worsen those. I have a sleep disorder which is why I take the Concerta, but it also helps with concentration. I finally took one today because my brain felt quiet, and it is helping me write this blog post, but I still feel very fatigued. Hoping to get some chores done today, at least.

My writing feels very hard and laboured and I’m not sure why I’m so tired, but I hope it resolves with some more rest. I hate being so sleepy.

Well, that is all of my thoughts and activities for today, so far. Thanks for reading, and I will catch up more later on the fitness course I’m taking and my efforts to lose weight and get in shape. I plan to share some things I learn on here as I think that would be more helpful than just talking about my own experiences.