After waking up early, then going back to sleep, and then going to mass, I felt really tired and climbed back into bed. Took medication that is supposed to help when I feel overstimulated and rested until I felt like I needed to get out of bed again.

Making myself coffee right now. Usually, I drink it black. I pour it over the grounds after heating water in my kettle. But this one will be an instant coffee with hazelnut creamer.

Being this fatigued is a good sign, even if it means I can’t get everything I wanted to do done today. It means my brain is tired, my body is tired, and my whole being is ready for recovery (rather than mania, intense internal torments, etc).

Because I haven’t been well and all of my food takes a lot of time to prepare, I have been eating out a lot. And I haven’t been exercising as much. I’ve regained some weight and I know I need to lose weight.

Even though I do not look very big, I have metabolic syndrome, according to the labs I had done last week. So, I do need to prioritise eating right and getting in shape.

Antipsychotic medication causes metabolic syndrome. Blood pressure can be high. You have high cholesterol, and your liver has fat around it.

Now that I know I’m in the stages of real recovery, I can focus more on my physical health.

Last night, I did some light reading, and I chose one of Seneca’s letters. Seneca was a Stoic philosopher. This stuck out so I’m highlighting it today:

It’s your actions that you must control; you must wake up what is lazy in you, strengthen what has become weak, conquer what is stubborn, and fight against your own desires and the desires of others as much as you can.

~Seneca

I’m really feeling this. I feel like I am starting over with my weight loss, my fitness, my learning, and even my faith in some ways because I was so stubborn that I kept shutting the door whenever God would knock. I just didn’t want to listen or go through things that are hard. I think I’ve learned that I’ve been making things harder.

Well, I think I should go and make that coffee now. Water is ready.

Thank you for reading and I hope Seneca’s words inspire you to make some changes too.