I have taken my emergency medication, which means I took 10 mg of Zyprexa; I usually take 5 mg.Contact your doctor or adhere to emergency treatment plan-see Disclaimer. I slept for a while. Then, I woke up after my youngest finished visiting my oldest and we watched Euphoria Season 3 Episode 2 and The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 1 Episode 6. Two distinctly different shows but both with depth of character.

I’m going to try something different during this manic recovery period. I usually write a lot and then I isolate. So, I’ll keep writing when I feel like it during this recovery.

When I was resting, I felt like God said I could take the time I need to heal and he will always be there.

Because I haven’t been able to visit my dad as planned on Sunday, or even right now (Dad worries if I don’t look right), I called to let his memory care know I will be there on Friday. I need time to recalibrate.

But instead of solely sleeping, I’m going to take things easy and do things that feel right. I finally ate some food and I feel better. No scenarios-well-none that are challenging.

Thought a lot about the snake symbolism that I read on Catholic Answers. Instead of praying for the snakes to leave, I decided to ask God for the venom antidote. I think I found it.

And, I figured out the next phase of my life and what God wants for me:

• Go to mass more often when I can.
• No more vodka. My last vodka litre was consumed on February 28, 2026.
  • I actually didn’t drink regularly until my sister died. I wanted to understand. I don’t recommend doing harmful things to understand loves ones, but in my case, it helped me make peace with her death and allowed me to understand my dad, from whom I was estranged for about 20 years. I don’t want to blame my sister for my choices. It was always my choice, and when I felt euphoric, I wanted to feel that instead of what I was feeling-which gave me insight into my sister and my dad’s suffering.
• Daily exercise. Even if only stretching.
• Healthy Diet
  • Minimise fast food and junk food.
• I usually ramble to God in prayer until I pass out but I’m going to try meditating 10 minutes a day and spending some time reading the Bible or try a Catholic meditation.
  • I could probably try learning new prayers. I don’t tend to pray with regular prayers that often.
• Write every day. Even if I don’t post anything.
  • I stopped writing for a few years. I didn’t write anyone for a long time or share or blog. I didn’t write creatively anymore. Writing is part of who I am. Without it, I don’t feel like myself.
• Research and write my book on psychosis in motherhood.
• Relationships:
  • Enjoy moments with my girls.
    • I won the baby lottery twice. My girls are amazing people.
    • Being their mom is a great gift.
      • I can use my gifts to anticipate challenges and support them when needed.
  • Encourage my friends and cheer them up. My friends are back home.
  • Wait for God to show me the way if I am to be in a romantic relationship
    • It sounds embarrassing, but I told God I need someone I can be my full self with. Not to burden him, but so that he understands when I need time to go through my mad seasons.
    • I do best when I have someone to love and care for, but I don’t mind being without a partner.
      • I tell my kids I could live on the moon if I didn’t have kids. It’s sort of true. Like the movie, Moon. I can be there and isolate and do little tasks until, well, eventually, I begin to deteriorate-so that is why I think I might need a partner who can match my spirit.
    • I think I need a year of stability before I will date. Recently, someone asked to come and visit me. I told him I’m not ready. I need to work on myself, and I knew he would complicate my emotions in ways I’m not prepared for right now. He has that sparkle energy from when we were kids, and I don’t know what that means yet. It feels very innocent and that makes me happy.

I’m listening to Closer to Love by Mat Kearney. It reminds me of driving with the windows down along large bodies of water and feeling God’s presence as the wind washed over me.

She got the call today, one out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared, it took her breath away
She said she didn't believe, it could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
We're gonna get there soon
If every building falls, and all the stars fade
We'll still be singin' this song, the one they can't take away
Gonna get there soon, she's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room, prayin', "Lord come through"
We're gonna get there soon
Oh, it's your light, oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark, just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now, from so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Meet me once again, down off Lake Michigan
Where we can feel the storm blowin' down with the wind
And don't apologize for all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now, for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon, you're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room, prayin', "Lord come through"
We're gonna get there soon
Oh, it's your light, oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark, just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now, from so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
'Cause you are all that I've waited for
All of my life (we're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited for
All of my life
You pull me closer to love, ooh-ooh
Closer to love, ooh-ooh
Pull me closer to love
You pull me closer to love (all that I've waited for), ooh-ooh
Closer to love, oh no
Closer to love ('cause you are all I've been waitin' for), ooh-ooh
Closer to love
You pull me closer to love

Songwriters: Josiah Bell / Robert Marvin / Matthew William Kearney