Currently, I’m in recovery from mania, so I thought I’d write a post about what mania is like for me. Also, I’ll include how it has changed and lessened in destructiveness over time.
More recent manifestations of mania have included:
- Heightened Senses
- My senses are usually heightened and this is true of past manias as well.
- I can see, hear, taste, and feel with greater intensity.
- In the past, this often led to hypersexuality, but I think the transitions I am going through in life has helped me in this regard.
- I feel a sense of being beyond my mortal confines and it feels great but is followed by despair.
- I do have moments where I have elevations in spirit and peace but they are not followed by despair. This is true when I exercise or meditate or see a beautiful sunset.
- My senses are usually heightened and this is true of past manias as well.
- Lack of Sleep
- I will be unable to sleep without increasing my antipsychotic medication.
- Normal sleep medication will not likely work on me.
- Instead of sitting on the couch being lazy, I will probably write a lot.
- Most of the time, I am preoccupied with progress spiritually and the overall state of the human condition and world.
- I will be unable to sleep without increasing my antipsychotic medication.
- Concentrating on external things is more of a challenge because my mind is busy and working with internal scenarios.
- I have internal worlds where I live certain scenarios and the way I choose to work through them matters to my overall mental and spiritual health.
- I tell the girls it is like playing a virtual reality game in that it is not real, but it is real to a degree, and I can advance or fall behind depending on my choices.
- Sometimes I see things that upset me or cause me paranoia.
- Lack of Appetite
- When manic, I find it difficult to eat.
Past manic experiences have included:
- The same qualities as listed above but with more darkness and terror.
- Wars, corruption of my peaceful reactive propulsion technology idea I came up with as a kid (It’s literally nothing that can be made) and how that is used to harm people instead of advancing humanity, and physical harm to my family and myself.
- Solution to fears was to pray the Glory Be.
- So simple but profound.
- Solution to fears was to pray the Glory Be.
- Wars, corruption of my peaceful reactive propulsion technology idea I came up with as a kid (It’s literally nothing that can be made) and how that is used to harm people instead of advancing humanity, and physical harm to my family and myself.
- Hypersexuality
- This happens if I drink a lot of alcohol or am manic or hypomanic, but it is lessening now that I’m in transition hormonally.
- This is probably the most destructive of them all, and I’m grateful I have grown past this to a large degree.
- I used to think what I was experiencing would come true like things have come true in the past, but now I recognise 99.9% of what I experience is just a scenario and part of my haunted woodland landscape.
- Financial. Also destructive but can be easily resolved compared to more emotional, physical, or spiritual problems.
This is what mania is like for me. I think anyone who experiences mania has their own peculiar mix of symptoms based on physiology and historical experiences.
Thank you for reading, and I hope that if you experience mania, it leads to growth rather than just destruction-it takes time to recover-and it is ok if one does not make progress for a time.
Leave a Reply