This morning, I still haven’t eaten. I forgot about it so made 3 chicken tenders as it was the only thing I could make quickly. I don’t want to eat it, but I will. Slowly. I’m making a lentil curry with coconut milk. I usually have an intricate process when making this, but today, I just dumped stuff in the pot and I’m hoping for the best. My daughter will likely call it a concoction.

As I was making lunch, I thought about people in my life. Particularly, the cute friend, who doesn’t read my blog because he is very busy, and I don’t want to bother him with my craziness- I thanked him for being kind to me during my mad seasons. It felt good to appreciate him for his kindness.

Sometimes I think we are afraid to share our thoughts and feelings with people in our lives. And, I think in that exchange, especially in the beginning, we have to gauge what someone can handle and what they can’t, but still appreciate their kindness. So, today, I tried to do that. In my own way.

I’m still having struggles. I thought that if I resolved what I was meant to solve, I would feel peace. I don’t. It’s that same old trap. And I just resist. Over and over. And I hope it makes me stronger.

Instead of freaking out and panicking, I’m trying to give my nervous system time to recalibrate.

I don’t even feel upset that I turned down a job opportunity, and I should. I feel relieved instead.

Anyway, I will take tomorrow offline. It is my birthday, and my girls want me to do something with them. I don’t feel like celebrating. But maybe I can treat this as a new year for my soul and keep working on being healthier. I do miss not being in my head so much.

Listening to “Something so Strong” By Crowded House. It is the song I sent my cute friend. Still haven’t touched the chicken but will once I close my laptop.

Love can make you weep
Can make you run for cover
Roots that spread so deep
Bring life to frozen ground
Something so strong
Could carry us away
Something so strong
Could carry us today
Turning in my sleep
Love can leave you cold
A taste of jealousy
Is like a lust for gold
Something so strong
Could carry us away
Something so strong
Could carry us today
I've been
Feeling so much older
Frame me
And hang me on the wall
I've seen
You fall into the same trap
This thing
Is happening to us all, yeah
Something so strong
Could carry us away
Something so strong
Could carry us today
Something so strong
Something so strong
Something so strong
Something, something so strong