Making a late breakfast before going on 5-mile walk with daughter. I actually didn’t eat last night. I think I was too emotional. Need food if going to do so much walking.

This morning, amid trying to read, I thought about someone who came into my life recently. We knew each other when we were kids. He always had a unique energy about him. I remember liking his face and his crazy teeth. But, he was younger than me, and I think my sister liked him. So, I just tried to never look at him. I never date anyone younger than myself. Why I want to be someone’s old lady?

If he hadn’t abruptly entered my life (text asking if I was the person in possession of my birth name), I don’t think I could have grown as I have in this past year.

Before he came into my life, I felt so disordered and unlovable. And while he can’t help with the latter, I realised there is more to me than disorder.

Reconnecting with my younger self has been a great gift, and I’m grateful for our connection.

As I tried to read and focus this morning, I thought about what I wrote-about being in transition and possibly finding a partner.

I don’t think I will ever have a mystical marriage to Jesus like many saints who end up single. But, I also don’t think I need to have a partnership to grow in spirit.

I think life brings people to you and you are supposed to help them in return, and for this friend, I have said prayers and let myself feel uncomfortable feelings.

I don’t need a partner to be happy. I don’t need to be married to Jesus. I can be happy being with people I love and by not being so afraid to be who I am.

I think, part of my transition in life, is to be more comfortable about who I am and not feel like I need to isolate or avoid people.

“Walk On” by U2 is playing. That’s like an anthem of mine. Maybe mental illness is the only baggage that I can bring-and I need to leave it behind.

My daughter was upset that I had not make breakfast. So, I’m boiling some eggs. :( Probably need a protein shake too.

It isn’t healthy to restrict calories severely when losing weight, and it does affect mania. Even if I don’t feel like eating, I know I need to.

May you discover the baggage keeping you from experiencing love and growth and let it go.

The title is from the Tom Petty song that I was listening to when I started the post. “Learning to Fly.”