I didn’t shower for two days, and I was so inactive that my daughter grew concerned. I think maybe going through menopause is causing my mental health to worsen so I am trying to lose weight. Hopefully, with improved labs, my doctor will allow me to try hormone replacement therapy. I read that HRT helps with Bipolar 1 mood swings.

Forced myself to shower today. Even exfoliated and shaved. Put thick lotion on since my skin is so dry. Tried to do research for my book on maternal psychosis, but I’m having difficulty reading and concentrating. This happens to me sometimes.

Went to the salon and had my hair trimmed. It has been months since my last trim and the ends of my hair have been dry, breaking, and knotting. Hormonal changes have led to changes in my hair type and thickness so I have been experimenting with products to see what will work best. I don’t know what else to try at this point, but I hope the trim helps some.I think the stylist was concerned by my depressing tone of voice. I tried to be light-hearted and laugh a little.

Since I can’t really read and concentrate and I need food prepped, I’m going to put in my contact lenses and put on my headphones and listen to music in the kitchen. Will make aloo gobi (potato and cauliflower curry) and Dahl (spiced orange lentils) with brown jasmine rice. I feel exhausted thinking about the preparation process, but I know it will feel good to have a few days’ worth of food prepared.

My protein intake hasn’t been the greatest lately so I had some vegan protein powder delivered with my groceries today. Will try making a cherry, vanilla, and flaxseed meal protein shake before bed. Cherries are supposed to help you sleep well.

I know that today has been a success because I’m pushing against the depression, but I don’t feel good about that. In fact, I have no real feelings. I feel too tired to have feelings. Will let my doctor know I’m experiencing anhedonia tomorrow at my appointment.

Thanks for reading. Sorry I’m not too cheerful or energetic. I hope to be happier and more active soon.