I haven’t been blogging because my depression worsened and I was dealing with real event OCD. When I have goals and then go through a mental episode, I feel overwhelmed when it comes to getting back on track. So, for the past few days, I’ve been doing little chunks of productive things instead of trying to do everything at once.

Though I was going through a lot, I managed to play tennis with my daughters a few times. I felt distracted and even stopped playing before them at times, but it helped to be outside and to be focusing on a moving target. Largely, it felt like my feet were rooted in cement, and I struggled to keep up. Astonishingly, just forcing myself to be there and do that much was beneficial to my overall mental health.

I haven’t read any books this month so I’m behind on my reading schedule. I couldn’t really concentrate on reading books so I journaled my thoughts instead, and I did DBT workbook exercises.

In the past, I would feel really awful about myself for not being able to keep up with my goals when mentally unwell. Now that I’m older, and maybe wiser, I start small in recovery. One day, I completed just one task, but that one task led to feeling like I’m on the right track so the next day, I did a few more tasks. Now, I’m almost back to normal. Almost.

While dealing with real event OCD, I read accounts of dealing with it by people who post to Reddit. Those posts helped me immensely. I might not have the same fears, but it helped to know that other people were dealing with upsetting thoughts and that their mistakes were not insurmountable.

Today, my daughter, K, and I are likely going to walk on the trail for 5 miles. This will be my first real workout in a long while. The weather seems like it will be favorable for a winter walk. I am a little nervous that being out on the trail, and largely in the quiet, will bring back my obsessive thoughts and fears, but I know I need to get out of the apartment and get some fresh air.

Well, I hope to successfully rebound from this episode and resume blogging regularly. Thank you for reading.