90 Day Fiancé Spin-Offs
For the past several days, my daughter and I have been watching The 90 Day Fiancé spin-offs on HBO MAX. As I’ve been watching them, I’ve felt increasingly discouraged about ever finding a healthy relationship. I know the show is meant to highlight and encourage drama, but relationships in real life can be dramatic too.
Last year, I ended a three year relationship that was long distance. I’m relieved that relationship is over. I was unhealthy. He was unhealthy. Together, despite wanting to be healthy, we did not have the skills to create a healthy and life-giving relationship. I have no anger towards him, and I wish him well. I pray for him to find a healthy partner, but I don’t regret ending things.
Before that relationship, I had been single and celibate for almost 10 years. Prior to that, I briefly dated a few guys after my 13 year marriage ended. None of those relationships were healthy either.
Last night, I opened a chat with ChatGPT to come up with ideas for this blog post. I wanted to avoid focusing on trauma and a dramatic declaration of lifelong celibacy in this post. I shared how I want to be celibate for the rest of my life.
The chat bot insisted I consider a shorter period of time because, to its analysis, I was feeling that way because of past traumas, abuse, and pain. While that is valid, I don’t think I can heal those wounds in a relationship. I think I need to stay single and celibate and focus on personal development. The chat bot did indicate taking time to heal was healthy and not a form of avoidance.
I didn’t really find a way to get ChatGPT to help me with this post in terms of structure, but I did decide that maybe I can be intentional with my celibacy. Instead of stretching it out for a lifetime, I can focus on 2026 being a year when I work on old wounds and heal them through self-care and personal growth.
In my last relationship, there was a high lust factor in the beginning. Once I gained some weight and grew a little older, I started hearing comments about how other women are so much better looking than I am but that he was choosing me even though I wasn’t as attractive to him.
This made me think about what kind of partner I want, and it made me realise the person I’m looking for is not a superficially fun-based person, and not focused on lust and drunken good times. In fact, it made me sad that someone as old as he is was still so underdeveloped in his 70s that he still found lust to be the core of relationships.
My person, if he exists, will be different:
- Believe in God-Believes God exists and wants good things for humanity. Has a belief in equality in relationships and that God can bring two people together at just the right time to enhance one another’s lives instead of causing more heart ache.
- Doesn’t work all of the time. I need a partner with a balanced lifestyle. I have experienced this dynamic in marriage, and I don’t think it is healthy to spend so much time apart.
- Lives near me. I don’t want another long-distance relationship.
- I tend to test potential partners by sharing a lot and trying to encourage non-superficial conversations. I like talking about thoughts and ideas, and I like focusing on growth and personal development; I would want a similar minded partner.
- Sex would not be based on lust or hyper-sexual behaviours based on past traumas. It would be more like sharing care and love for each other. If I gained weight, was 100 years old and bald, lost a limb-he would still love me and want to be with me because I’m his person. And I would feel the same way about him.
- He would feel like a member of my family and get along with my daughters.
- We would exercise together, eat healthy meals, read books, and watch tv together in a comfortable and reliable way.
- Neither of us would drink alcohol or do any kind of drugs. I just don’t feel like use of those substances can support a healthy relationship.
While I could spend 2026 feeling resigned to celibacy and healing, I choose to feel excited about it. I think I can work on aspects of myself and one day be the kind of person who can hold up her end of a healthy and life-giving relationship. If I never meet my person, I will also be ok because I will know that I am healthy and living a good life.
Maybe watching television shows about relationships has been helpful to me in that it caused me to really analyse the past, the present, and imagine a future that is not as discouraging as I had been picturing.
Thank you for reading and following along on my blog focused on living a healthier life. I wish you much health and happiness today, and in your future. And I hope you find your person at just the right time.
Reality Bytes 